Agonizing Abstinence

So my determination has been pretty sporadic lately to say the least. I'll get to that point and it feels completely overwhelming, like it's impossible to not cum. And if I don't cum I fee angry about it. But if I do cum I feel empty and disappointed. I just don't enjoy it. I like that feeling right before orgasm. Like I could live in the insanity of that moment and enjoy it better than cumming. I suppose it'd be different if I could cum multiple times. I have been getting a little better at that, but it's far from a consistent thing.

A couple of days ago I ran across this blog: http://agonizingabstinence.blogspot.com/

Reading some of the posts made me miss that acute denial more than I have in a while. There are challenges for everyone on there. I read through them and ended up soaked. I sent the page to my dom. He told me to do the 12 minute tease. I had to pause once, which is unlike me, but then I was VERY worked up before I even started. So the next day I had to try again and this time I made it through, even though I had to lighten up a bit at a certain part. Still, I wasn't allowed to cum. He wants me to wait a while.

I felt in need. Even after that, it didn't feel like enough. I started reading through some of the blogs and the stuff the girls were having to do and their reactions. It made me crave things I didn't know I wanted. I asked my dom if I could masturbate as long as I didn't cum. I needed to relieve some of the tension. He said it was fine. So I go like that for a good 30 minutes. By this point I have so many ideas running through my head from the blogs. I knew a crotch rope wasn't going to work. I bruise easy and there's no way I could sleep through that. But the thought of the pressure sounded nice. Another post talked about how she could only sleep with something inside of her. I never thought I'd understand that.

So up I went. I grabbed my bullet and put it inside me on low. I balled up a pair of underwear and pushed it against my clit. Then I covered it all with a tight pair of underwear. Then, I went to sleep. Figuratively. I would finally drift off for a few minutes only to be jerked back into consciousness. I wa swollen andd wet all night. I slept nearly 30 minutes at one point. I dreamt then.

I had a dream about my actual dom, which is unusual since I rarely dream about people I know and he lives and such a distance. I was next to another sub and we were both being teased. The other dom was actually there, whereas my dom was a very odd floating entity above my head to signify is distance. The other dom showed off by putting his sub over the table of a coffee shop and fucking her in front of everyone. My dom retaliated by telling me to find someone to fuck, to inform them to do whatever they want to me, and to NOT cum. Just as the guy started pounding into me I woke up withering.

It was at that point that I rolled over on my stomach and my hips started thrusting for a while. Oddly, it felt better after that. The vibrations from the bullet were muffled by the panties, so my clit got no excess stimulation. But the humping of the bed gave me enough pressure to relieve some of the ache. I tossed for another hour before I couldn't stand my dry mouth anymore. Sexual stimulation always gives me a dry mouth.

The problem was, I couldn't stand up. If I stood up I'd have to pee. I couldn't imagine turning the vibe off for that long. I couldn't turn it off at all. It would hurt too much. Finally I got up and drank some water. Then I went to the bathroom, carefully removed the undies on my clit, and did the only thing I could. I held it in place while I peed. As I was putting everything back into place I noticed spots of red on the toilet paper. Sure enough, I had started. Another dilemma.

If I kept it in the cramps would catch up with me eventually. But I couldn't stop it. I just couldn't. Despite how little sleep I'd had. So I put down a pantie liner and went back to bed.

After a while I desperately wanted to peak but that would require more noisy toys and my roommate hadn't left for work yet. Finally I passed out for a whole hour. I dreamt that my dom was driving a car with me and two other girls. All of us had on string bikinis. We also had toys inside of us and hadn't cum in weeks. One of the other girls had gone shopping at Sam's earlier for groceries. She'd missed a few items but insisted that they hadn't been at Sam's. So my dom was sending me in to check for those items. Once I was inside I realized my top had fallen off. Thankfully it was nighttime and the inside of Sam's was dimly lit. (yay dream altering) I found a towel and wrapped it around me. The items I was looking for weren't there, of course. On the way out I ran into someone that worked there that I had worked with at my previous job. She followed me outside asking if I'd been to the beach today. Outside it was suddenly a few degrees above freezing and there was a light rain coming down. By the time I made it to the car, I was shivvering and gripping my towel for dear life. My dom frowned at me and demanded the removal of the towel. I did so and he upped the speed of my toy. He told me I would go into the next store as well, even without my top.

I woke up then. This time pain woke me up. I was cramping so hard I didn't need to worry about any other pain. So I got up and removed everything and cleaned up and slapped down a pad. I noticed that my bullet wasn't as waterproof as it claimed and had blood in it. That was amazingly ucky and I pouted at it. After that I got some water and went back to bed. I finally slept for a few hours.

I'm awake now, but still bone tired. And horny. I want to slap a dildo to a wall an fuck the hell out of it. I want to grab my hitachi and peek so many times I could go crazy from it. But I'm also cramping horribly and can't imagine causing any more tension. I hate being a girl sometimes.

And lastly, there is a challenge on that blog I found amazingly erotic and daunting all at once. It gives you a number of peeks to accomplish before you can cum. So if you do a bunch of peeks in one day, you are aching with need. If you rest and do a few, you're extending the time before you can cum. It says to start at 250, or higher if need be. The number was surprising, but I can see how that would make it that much more complicated. I have the urge to try that one, even though part of me thinks I'm crazy for that. heh

Uhg. Need pain killers.

Not So Daily

So on the 3rd I was able to talk to my dom and tell him about the encounter. He said it was fine and asked if I had cum. I told him I had but it was officially May when it happened. He asked if it was good and I said "very". Then he said "So you're good for the month, right?"

Ominous.

We talked about it for a while and said that he might let me cum under very special conditions but wouldn't specify. I'm left worrying about a month of no cumming. Can I really make that? I don't really want to find out. I mean, I have done it before, but it was more just neglect of myself. Having someone tell me not to turns me on and then I'm dying for release the whole time.

The day after that (I think) I had to take the biggest toy I had (rabbit) and just put it in me. I couldn't turn it on, I just had to leave it there for a couple of hours. Quote, "I just want something to fill your slutty pussy." Such words shouldn't turn me on... Eventually I had to clean and took it out though it was replaced with my butt plug up my ass. I had to wear it as long as possible. I made it to about 45 minutes before I had to take it out. I need a smaller one for long term use.

Tonight I wanted to use my rabbit in the shower since it IS water proof and hadn't done so yet. He said that I could but if I edged, I had to turn the water to cold and stand under it for exactly 15 seconds. No cumming. Period. So there I was with the suction cup base stuck to the tiles, me bent over, gripping the edge of the tub, the water pouring down on me... Fucking the wall while the shower is going and me soaking wet, my hair throwing water all over the place was highly erotic to me. I imagined being told dirty things. I imagined sucking cock while in that position. I slapped my own ass and muttered bad things.

I had fun. Too much fun. The cold water hurt and my leg almost cramped from the sudden change. Was it worth it? Well... I'd do it again. That's for sure.

On a side note, life seems to have flipped in the dom world. When we first started out it was quite a bit more daily. Which I don't particularly mind it being more intermittent, but it seems to far in between these days. Then again, that may be just because I have far to much time on my hands lately. Also, in the begining I was almost orgasming to a point of pain and overload even though I was being denied often. Now it's the reverse - sort of. Denied to a point of pain and overload, yet not orgasming often. I suppose I just feel neglected. That plus the stress I'm already under and all my free time, I am craving more play and at least a few more orgasms. I will most definitely not get to point where I can have numerous orgasms a week at the rate I'm going.

It's not that I don't like denial. I do. I just miss attention... and endorphins.

With that, I'm off to bed early so I can start my first busy week in months. I shall fall asleep to the thought of fucking a wall in the shower.

Apples

So my period ended early for a change on Thursday night. Not that it mattered, my dom was nowhere to be found. Not that THAT mattered, since I was banned for the rest of the month.

Today I had an old contact hook up with me. First time I've had sex since late February. How about them apples? He fingered me first and he was resilient. I came. I kept checking my phone to see if my dom would ever come online the whole day, but he was busy and I knew that. Oh well. I'll find out later if I should be concerned... Funny part was, after so many different positions, my guy still couldn't seem to get off. Too much time with his hand, if you ask me. It ended on a good note, though: a nice dinner.

Ah, well.

Chastity

So a few nights ago I had a dream about being locked in my chastity belt and my dom telling me to freeze the keys in a cup of water and he'd tell me when I could melt them. I woke up and told him about it and he immediately told me to put on my belt.

For the rest of the day, I spent wore that belt and the kegel things in me. I had to take the belt off after about 8 hours, the straps were digging in too much. That night, just before bed, I was allowed to take the kegel things out. The next morning to told me that I was to have no orgasms and no unverified stimulation at all for the rest of the month. That ended up being about 12 days, plus two since my last orgasm. It's been a long week.

Multiple times I've been in situations where I've been increasingly horny and he has even instructed me to continue in those situations, but no touching at all. And now I'm on my period which won't end until Friday anyhow.

I kept forgeting to post all this, so I am now. Do to all the forced lack of activity, I haven't gotten that far behind.

rubbing it off

So yesterday I get online and my dom demands a video chat instantly. He's already going at it. I ask if there was anything I could do to help. So he had me lay back, spread my legs and start rubbing. He gave me exacting instructions on how he wanted it done. When I edged, he had me stop, then edge again, then slap my pussy 10 times. Then he finally told me I could cum. I was elated.

I suppose from that angle is was harder to see when I came. He later told me to cum again and then to stop, trying to ruin the orgasm. He wasn't entirely happy to find out that I had cum nonetheless. Still, he seemed sated and that boded well for me.

Nothing more has happened. Just a quick update.

Lots and lots

I can't even think of the days correctly, so I won't try. We'll just go with early this week.

Early this week New Guy finally took a hint and we started playing. He tested my endurance with my nipple clamps. Clamped outter labia, even clamped my clit, which wasn't so bad. Then moved them up to the nipples. On and off again with the stimulation and build up for a very long time. He likes me begging, but he doesn't let me cum for it. Finally, he said that he had an amount of time in mind, but wouldn't tell me what it was. If I made it past that time without cumming, I was fine. If not, I'd be punished. The whole time, the hitachi was on high.

I made it 8 minutes and 46 seconds. That's when he told me it was 10 minutes. He told me to think of a punishment. If it was good, we'd do that. If not, we'd do that and something else he thought of. I liked the plan. It became a moot point, however.

Right as I submitted an idea for my punishment my dom popped online and said hello. Well, I told him everything, like a good girl. He was very, very mad. He asked how many times I'd cum since he last asked and I told him twice and he said, "I hope you enjoyed them." Doesn't bode well for me.

That night he used many different toys on me. I also had to slap my tits for a while on cam. They were red and raw when I was through. Nipple clamps were on most of the night and pulled off a couple of times. I had to write that I was owned by him across my chest in big letters with a sharpie. He took a picture and had be post it on fetlife as my profile. The only indecent picture I have on there, now. I also had to put mint extract cream on my nipples and then brush them with my toothbrush for 5 minutes. That hurts a lot surprisingly. Then I had to add toothpaste and brush for 5 more. He had me make 2 frozen dildos out of condoms but they were too big to fit, so they just stayed against my clit. I hate cold. It was awful.

Finally he told me to go to bed, no cumming. The next day it continues. I held my plain dildo in me for near an hour until it hurt and ached from where it was pressing. Then I had the bullet in me. Then he had to leave and said no cumming. The next day I had nothing done to me, no cumming. I had to watch him stroking himself though, but wasn't allowed to touch myself. Yesterday I had to watch porn before going to bed, but no touching at all.

Today I was meeting a friend for lunch. I couldn't wear underwear. No bra or panties. I wore a camisole with a pancho on top and a long skirt that buttoned up the front. On the way there I had to have the bullet vibing on my pussy. I barely got it out in time before she made it to my car. A button high on my skirt popped open when we were leaving and it flashed a lot of skin. Public play makes me insanely nervous.

I'm so horny I couldn't scream and he is wanting to keep me at this level through the weekend. It's driving me crazy.

New Guy

So, I'm thinking my dom either blocked me or died. He hasn't been on since he was mad at me. Possibly on purpose? No idea. That fact didn't stop me from talking to the new guy that responded to my ad that I posted. But, my dom's rule of writing all sexual activity still holds, so I'm writing. Of course, he also said not to do anything, but I didn't do it without directly being told to by a dom... Yeah, I'm a bad slave. I've been stressed. I don't care.

Anyways, the new guy is young and inexperienced, which is why I didn't hold his decision making skills against him. New ideas seemed hard for him to come by. Finally, after a long time of talking and me giving him no direction, he got around to it. He's very into nipple play and considering how slow he types, that lasted quite a while. The was some nipple pinching and twisting (child's play after my dom) and even some clit pinching. That was the odd part, as it didn't hurt overly much, just caused muscles to twitch.

Then he got down to the other part. I'd have to run the hitachi around for a while without it touching intimate places, then hold it to my clit. Then stop. Then rub with my fingers. Then stop. Repeat. It went on for quite a while. He made me beg for a long time and then stop all stimulation and continue to beg for orgasm. He finally let me cum, I guess 45 minutes later, and when I did, I squirted. It made quite a mess. I was annoyed, he was amused. As it always is.

It felt nice to release a little sexual tension but he seems to have no interest in giving me offline tasks, as I had stated previously. So, he's rather boring. Also, I miss my dom's creativity.

I got in my order for the Sex Toy girl in town. I'm missing a piece but she'd going to bring that by tomorrow. I'm most excited about my weird looking purple thing for kegel exercises. I can't wait to try it out. I mentioned it to new guy but his comments and reaction made me think he wasn't sure what I was talking about. Poor new guys...

That didn't end well

So my dom is very loaded down with school work lately, it seems. He's given me very little attention and at times seems annoyed by me. I do my best to keep the conversations short, because I feel he sees me as a nuisance. So I started bringing up other topics of conversation when I saw him online. That didn't seem to work either. As these posts are a testiment to, I can go quite a long time without seeing much of him.

I don't blame him and feel it's not my place at all to say anything about it. The semester is winding down, and I was going through a lot the past couple of weeks. We've both been busy. But I find myself to be massively horny these past couple of days. So I re-posted my ad on fetlife for a dom. Considering how little activity my dom shows on that site, I was pretty sure he'd never come across it.

I got an e-mail barely an hour later. An hour after that, my dom pops up and asks if I'm horny. Such luck! Of course he'd pop up after I posted that and make me feel bad.

After 10 minutes with the hitachi and no orgasming I got to try out my new anal beads. (Which by the end of things did exactly what I thought they'd do, considering how long they are. They're soaking currently.) Another 15 minutes with the hitachi before it started to get really warm. On with the rabbit for quite a while more, the rotation and vibe set on low. All of this in the most embarrassing of camera angles. He's been pushing me on that.

Then he asks, "Do I bore you?" Which I found to be an odd question. I thought it was because of how still I was laying. Which was because I had to concentrate really hard not to cum. I said as much. In response, he copy&pasted my ad. I asked if he was mad, he made it very clear that he was.

I had to peak and almost cum, then I had to pull the rabbit out and spank my pussy 5 times. Then 30. Then 30 more showing that I was doing it harder. Then 5 more. Then 5 more. Finally he told me I could remove the beads and go to bed. No touching myself until he said so.

How he even managed to come across that post so soon is beyond me. Of all the timing in the world! I have a very angry dom on my hands... I find myself rather concerned.

quick

So the night before last (blogger was down and I could't post), I was in a bit of a mood. My dom was on but said he didn't have the time. I pouted that he had told me to wait on him. He gave me permission to do what I needed. Me and the hitachi had a good night. I daydreamed a nice schoolgirl scene. Nothing else special happened. Just that.

I'm writing because I was told to write anything sexual that happens.

Video Chat!

So me and my dom got Skype and now video chat is possible!

He had me get undressed down to my underwear but I am nowhere near comfortable with my body. I've got meat on me. Perhaps a little more than is needed. So I hid. That made him angry. I don't like it when he's angry. That didn't make me from stand up, though.

So off with the bra, on with the nipple clamps. And then I had to pinch them. Hard. Harder. Harder still. I also had to pull on them. In different directions. They sliped off 3 times and I had to later purposefully pull them off 3 more. Between the pinching and pulling, they were sore enough. Then I had to slap them. Ten a piece.

I also had to watch him cum and leisurely clean up while I was teased and not allowed to cum.

Did you know there's a site online that's just a stop watch? He made use of it. Pinching the clamps for a full minute. And then the hitachi. Oh... The hitachi...

It was on through most of the nipple action. Then I had to time for 5 minutes. Except he wouldn't let me turn it off. I waited for nothing. High. Low. High. Low. High. Finally, ten minutes later he told me to get to the edge and stop. Said that when he reaches 1 he'd let me cum. He started at 10 and counted down, but them started throwing numbers all over the place and never said one. I was about to scream. He finally said I could cum. Then told me to stop 5 seconds in.

I whined whimpered. He told me to turn it back on again. After a while he let me cum again and hold out the orgasm, though I almost thought he wouldn't let me stop.

I begged a lot tonight.

I get the feeling that 20 minutes was only 20 minutes due to him getting tired. If he'd been more awake, it would have been a lot more torture. I'm nervous now. I think he likes video. I also think he was trying to make me cum without permission so he could try and punish me. Oh my...

I'm not allowed to touch myself sexually until we are online together again and he says I can. Nobody else is allowed to either. No toys. No humping. The fact that he got so specific makes me worry how long he's going to have me hold out. I am a tad bit concerned.

The Picture

I found a picture someone has posted up on fetlife. edcc984b790841b146170602c2852880_20091006204949_510.jpg I have a thing for guy on guy AND Gambit. I my nether parts gave a happy little shivver just seeing it. I showed it to my dom. He told me to put the hitachi on low. I was more than happy to do so. He then told me to start watching porn, so I pulled up one of my favorite downloads with Mark Davis in it.

I begged for release in no time. He said no. It's very hard to not cum with the hitachi. I had to pull it off many times. I peeked a lot without having been told. There was no helping it. What felt like an eternity later (but probably about 15 minutes), he finally let me cum. It was a very nice orgasm.

After

So whilst I wrote my last post I had the bullet on and kept it on for a while. I put the clamps on and had to wait a long time before given any further instructions. Torturous, waiting is...

I had to keep the clamps tight and pull them off my nipples slowly... three times. It was not a pleasant experience, but I did it without complaint. Well, other that letting him know how much it hurt. Which seemed to only amuse him. I had to peek once and then the scary part started. I had to clip the clamps onto my labia. I hadn't ever done that before.

They clamped onto my inner labia and it stung something awful. I also had to take a picture. I've never taken such intimate pictures before either. It was all so embarrassing for me, I wasn't used to it. I had to take a picture of them as I tugged the chain up and put tension on the clamps too. That also hurt a lot. I could take them off after I sent the picture to him. The relief from that was nice.

I then had to grab my rabbit and give it a blow job before slowly fucking myself with it. Pictures of that too. After a long while he finally let me cum as I begged and begged for release.

He said I was a good girl. That made me happy.

I haven't done anything since, though I haven't had much time. But I'll make sure to document every sexual activity I have from now on. Because he told me to, of course.

The Trip

So this past weekend I went on a trip. I drove three hours to go visit a friend and attend a munch I promised to go to if they scheduled it on a Friday. They did. And miraculously, work gave me a three day weekend! My friend was sick and she got ME sick, but not until after I got home. Oh well... It was a nice trip!

After the munch I was invited via my friend to a party made of kinksters. The owner of the house owned a sybian. Now, I have this intense desire to ride a sybian. It took all night, but finally the rest of the party rallied together with me and demanded I get to ride it. So out came the sybian!

I had conditions. One was that I had to use an attachment. There is a reason no one has used the attachments before, they were HUGE and made everyone wince. Second condition was I had to ride it in the livingroom so everyone could watch. I had a dress on, so it covered everything. I accepted. The owner was demanding a souvenir as I went to the bathroom and people were talking about whos phone could record the longest. I came out to find a video camera set up. But I accepted. I really wanted to ride it.

It took a lot of lube and a lot of determination to fit on the HORRIBLY LARGE penis attachment. I really wished I could have tried it without... Anyways, I finally got on and started playing with the settings. The vibe nob set halfway felt like a hitachi on high. One of the girls in my audience was really excited about that. I played with the nobs for a while and showed the camera occasionally what what happening. I got both settings up on high to try it out and everyone was impressed. If you're wondering what vibe on high felt like, as the girl in the audience did, it felt the equivalent of 3 hitachis.

It took a while to get off considering how big it was. I think I came a few times, but couldn't spasm all that well due to how stretched I was. After a while I finally collapsed forward and turned them off with much effort. Unfortunately, the sybian stuck to me. Someone had to come over and pull it out of me while his girlfriend put a pillow under my head. Later, once I regained speech, she helped me get dressed and they both had to help me walk to the car. My knees honestly would not work. It was amazing.

I was sore for dayyyyys.

The next day we went to visit my friend's Master and his dungeon. I got to watch him florentine her. He's very talented. And he tried out all of his paddles for me to see. And I determined I'm not a fan of dragontails (using or receiving). Later that night he tried out his hand made Double Evil on me. It hurt, but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Or as bad as it looks... It was nice to experience clover clamps used by someone who knew what they were doing!

Later I got to try suction. The nipples I couldn't handle long due to the previous abuse. The clit I held for a long while. He even vibed on it until it drove me crazy because the vibe was everywhere but where I needed it. So he handed me my hitachi after taking it off (that's right, I packed it) and watched me cum. Then I helped dom my friend as he ate her out. He was happy that I watched them have sex. It's a thing for him.

Then I drove the looong drive home the next day. I think I developed a blister down there for a few days. It hurt a bit. I definitely overdid it. I haven't even thought of touching myself since then.

However, my Dom came online today and noticed I hadn't made a post about my weekend. He said I must post any sexual activity. He says he's going to punish me. I've been writing this with the bullet on. I'll write more later of what is to come.

Overdone

Yesterday my dom was online. He poped up after my morning peek and told me I could grab my wand and cum as many times as I wanted to. Happily, I grabbed it up and started going at it. It was almost hard to cum the first time, but the 2nd time wasn't, as it usually it. Of course, it caused me to squirt all over the place. I'd just washed those sheets! It was a lot, too...

Finally, I made it to three, about the time he told me 6 minimum. 6? I was luck I managed 3. I'd only done that once before. Still, I tried and tried and I think I hit 4, but I'm not entirely sure. All the motions of my body was there, but I didn't feel the muscles spasming like usual inside me. Then again, I don't think they could. I didn't have anything left to squirt, but I felt myself try anyways. He told me to take a break. I did.

All of a sudden I was late. I'm not sure how long I was lying there, but I had evening plans and it was quickly gaining on evening. I was lying there in a puddle of my own stuff, soaked through with it, so I needed to add a bath to my to-do list. I stumbled into the shower and washed up mindlessly. I think a lot of my problem was I hadn't eaten yet, but I didn't have time to cook by then. I poped a vitamin and got ready. I didn't get everything I needed to do done before time to leave. It made us late and then we couldn't find the place with made us later. Missing the entire first hour, everyone else was lost and bored. I could have stayed all night anyways, but they insisted on leaving.

I came home disapointed and lacking in two orgasms and my nightly peaks. I walking into my room, looked at my hitachi and cringed. I made some food, watched some youtube, looked at my hitachi and cringed. I read my book some, looked at my hitachi and cringed. I read some more, looked at my hitachi and cringed. Finally I asked myself if I was ready for the punishment that went with not touching that thing at all tonight. I had no trepidation at all. I didn't have the energy to worry about it since all of my energy was focused on it not touching me.

You know how when you weight lift on one arm too much, you can blow the muscle? It's useless and weak until it heals. That's what my vagina feels like. I don't think I could orgasm if I tried.

At first I just accepted that I'd have a top out on my even days in March and would get punished for the rest. Now, I don't think I can hit a top out every other day. I don't think I could peak at all after March 4th.

When I was younger and supposed to be starting in on masturbation, I didn't. I didn't masturbate at all until I was 19. OCD, mostly. It kept me from being able to handle it. I was also shy and wouldn't ask what I was doing wrong to not enjoy it like others did. That's changed, but my formative years are what's important. I think I've missed out on building muscle tone in my vagina. Really. I think that's what it is. It means I get BIG orgasms, but I get few.

The hitachi still hasn't touched me. Nothing has. I'm so overloaded still that the blanket on my nipples makes me wince.

I'll take my punishment. Happily. But not a damn thing is touching me today. Not. A. Damn. Thing.

Laundry

I pulled the car up next to my door to load my clothes into it. I had my ALL my clothes and sheets to wash. It was a lot of stuff. I left the car running to keep it warm. I was so out of clothes that I wore an old pajama outfit that has too big pants and a too small shirt. I put my leather jacket over to keep warm, since I was washing all of my hoodies. Inside the apartment, I couldn't hear my car at all. It made me nervous, knowing that there are people walking around my complex at all hours of the night and I'd left the keys in with it running. So I stayed by the front window to watch it.

I grabbed my bag of goodies as I made to leave and it occured to me that with the tight shirt and open jacket, I'd have no way of clamping my nipple discreatly. Not to mention the laundry mat I go to has camera everywhere, including the parking lot. Usually I view that as a good thing. Not when clamps are involved, however. So I just settle for the vibe and start driving, not wanting to run into the bedroom to put the clamps on quickly, or turn the care off.

All the way to the mat, I continued to get nervous about my spur of the moment decison to forgo the clamps. I almost pulled over and put them on, but my route is well lit and police patroled at that time of night. So I kept going. Truly, I had no good excuse this time other than, "It was cold outside and I was in a hurry." Again, I knew I wouldn't lie.

Before I went into the mat, I dropped the clamps into the inner pocket of my jacket. When I finished my clothes, I put everything in the car and went back inside real quick to the bathroom there. I put the clamps on before leaving to drive home. There was a guy there doing his laundry, watching Glen Beck on the TV, sending me small glances. I felt a thrill of excitement walking by him with the clamps on, knowing he was unaware of what happened. I should have been embarassed. I wasn't.

The entire ride home, the vibe felt more intense than usual. I ended up at home, checking my e-mail, humping the bed. This morning's peak in the shower was enough to drive me mad. After all that, I'm crazed with the need to cum. To ride it out in its entirety. To beg and plead for such a release. And I haven't even done my two peaks for the night. I crave the masturbation, but I fear the lack of release. It's going to keep me up all night, thrashing and moaning. I just know it will.

I almost feel like crying every time I peak and have to stop. It's one of the reasons I can't do denial to myself. I have to have a reason, even if that reason is to please my dom, or simply a fear of punishment that I will do to myself once told to.

I'm off to my nightly ritual. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm on edge. I want to cum, so very badly.

Oh so much

Two hours into work and I had to go home. In a mear four hours I'd soaked straight through my pad, undies, and into my jeans. We're talking the uber long Overnight pads. My flow has never been so heavy and my headache was coming back to haunt me. One of the girls at work (who I've told about my recent adventures in denial) said it was do to the muscle tension I've been building but never gave release. It makes sense, I guess. Still, my periods have always been an issue. They're erratic and can either be unnoticable, emotionally crippling, or so painful I can't breathe.

So I went home feeling gross and exhausted and generally shitty feeling. I'd done my morning peak and drove to work with a vibe (outside the pants) and the clamps. I drove home with neither. I stumbled inside and took some pain killers and chocolate. Since I've woken up I've have to change pads 4 times. I dunno how I'm going to make it through the night. I considered sleeping with pants on, but I plan to wash the sheets tomorrow anyways, so I probably won't.

I also haven't been naked, as was called for when I'm home alone. I've had a loose shirt, no bra, loose pajama pants, and my fuzzy robe on. Sick wear, as I call it. I have no intention to peak twice tonight. I'll do my morning one in the shower tomorrow. I figure there's no point showering before bed, I'll only wake up covered in it all again.

Uhg. I feel disgusting and crappy.

I'd like to just cut the damn thing out. Bye bye uterus! The doctors totally won't do it. Bastards.

So I'm making some mac&cheese, considering what all I haven't done. Two nightly rituals gone, one car ritual gone, one not naked period of time. I have my reasons. Are they good enough reasons? I don't know. They sure feel like it. I feel like I'm being punished already. Still, it's all making me nervous.

The Headache

I managed to get off work a little early last night and I planned to make use of my time with some things I needed to catch up on. Instead, the minute i walked in the house I recieved a frantic text message from a friend who was visiting a friend of hers in my very apartment complex. She had tried to pop his back since his neck hurt (something I tell her not to do) and then he ended up in massive pain and couldn't move. So I ran over and fixed him. I stayed for a little while to make sure he was fine then he went to be and we all came back to my place.

I showed her some new toys I've got since last she visited and gave her the cordless vibe that just didn't live up to what I needed it to. Her birthday was coming soon, so it seemed like a good gift. I also had her use the mint extract cream because she saw it and had never heard of it before. Watching her reaction to it had me laughing to tears. She put it on her boyfriend and we both ended up laughing at him as well.

All night the girls at work had been a riot of jokes. I'd been building a headache and all the laughing wasn't helping. By the time my friends left my head was pouding. I tried to check my e-mail real quick but I ended up feeling sick from the pounding of my head. I fed the cats and almost passed out bending over to do so. So I took some more pain killers, a sleep aid, and went to bed. I slept a good twelve hours, but the headache is gone, at least.

This means I didn't peak twice last night as I should have. I did my one this morning. I'm bleeding so much it felt weird to do. heh My period plans to be extra special this time, I can tell.

I have no idea if I'm going to be punished or not for last night. My dom is nowhere to be found. I guess I'll find out later, the hard way.

My nipples hate me. The little rubber ends on the clamps act like vinyl seats after a while and stick to the skin, causing the process of taking them off to be worse than it already is. I need to line them in fur, or something. I should look at the craft section at walmart and come up with a plan. I can get some cash back for laundry during that trip as well. Friday is going to be a long laundry day.

Frustrations

He told me this morning after my daily peak that family issues were cropping up and he couldn't dom me so regularly anymore. I understand, I'm not upset about it. He still wants me to keep up my routines, and the dreadful plan for March, but he'll only be able to pop up and tell me things specifically every so often. My blog will be checked on, however, to make sure I'm keeping up. In the end, it may be for the best. I'm not used to such constant attention and I'm having trouble keeping up...

I asked to use my one orgasm for February today since I started my period and this was the last day it'd be pleasant for me. He agreed. So he told me to grab the hitachi and peak 10 times. By the end of that I was shaking, almost in tears, whimpering at my obediant hands, and desperately wanting to scream. He told me then to hold it to my clit as long as possible and when I started to cum, wait 3 seconds, and then stop and don't touch myself at all.

What it did was kill my ride of the orgasm. I gave a few good spasms, but I couldn't finish it. The tension stayed in me and I knew even if I tried to cum again, it'd take forever to get there. He laughed at me and left me to my frustration.

PMS struck with a vengence. I wanted to go to the shower and use my amazing shower head to bring me to orgasm again and ride it through as long as I pleased. I wanted to chuck the nipple clamps across the room and drive to work care free. But then what? Get on here and lie? I'm so bad at lying it's a curse. And I know one thing for certain: I fear his ideas for punishment.

So I heaved a sigh and picked up my clamps and got ready for work. I'll drive as I've been told. I'll peak twice tonight. I'll continue to dread March.

Walmart

I kept thinking horny thoughts all night at work. I couldn't help it...

I needed to drop by walmart before heading home. He said I had to keep the vibe and nipple clamps on during that time and buy an enema kit. He told me this before lunch, even. I should've been nervous. I was... But I was throbbing at wet a LOT more.

I was so scared the whole time someone would hear. Wary of the people who passed me. Basic groceries were harder to find than they should have been. I couldn't focus. x.x I grabbed an enema kit as fast as possible since there was a lady stocking in that exact isle. I was so embarassed.

The checkout lane took forever. The chick in front of me had 7 wic cards. My nipples were starting to ache. In the parking lot the cold air hit them and they hardened. It hurt and felt good all at once. I had to haul in all my stuff with everything on. Then once the meltable stuff was put away I got undressed save for the nipple clamps and grabbed the hitachi. My nipples started to have shooting pains by then.

And then I waited. And waited some more. He fell asleep on me. Doesn't bother me, per say. I work late hours and people have a hard time keeping up with me. I know I couldn't keep up with me!

I left the nipple clamps on until 2am, just in case. Taking them off hurt like a bitch, per usual. I'll probably use the wand to peek my 2 times tonight since that was the last toy he mentioned.

I'm trying to be a good sub.

I long morning

I woke up early and I was stifling hot. I peaked as I was told and then hopped online. He was there and he had plans. I've had a silver bullet inside me all day. The batteries died one and I had to replace them. No surprising. I've been using the same ones for a while. My bullet has never gotten so much use before!

I had plans to try and make myself to laundry. Didn't happen. Instead I laid on my bed, naked, and withered and moaned and cursed. At one point I hit a spot that felt like the begining of a build but all I could do was stay there in that exact spot. It couldn't climb any higher. My clit throbbed. I wanted to rub it. I wanted to cum, over and over again. I didn't care if I squirted for it. I begged to rub myself and he said no. I figured he would. I'm so wet I can't even clean it up. I could hardly eat anything through the building in my stomach that went nowhere.

I'm having to wear the nipple clamps as I write this and through my trip to work. I hate taking it all off in the parking lot in the daylight. I jump every time I see a movement.

I'm pretty sure the dirty thong I put back on it soaked already. I'm going to have to make many bathroom trips to clean up tonight, I can feel it.

I keep humping the bed and clenching my inner folds involuntarily. I feel consumed by need. He calls me a slut. Currently, I can't help but agree. I'll be a slut for anyone if they will give me release...

First Day

It started wih something I'm not supposed to do: Interfere with work. I ended up keeping my phone in the hoodie pocket and checking it obsessively to see if he'd said anything new. A deprived sub? Who me? Never. (/sarcasm)

I wore the hoodie because it helped hide the nipple clamps in the car. Once night fell it was easy to get them back on. The bra liked to press against them. It hurt, but then again, it has a chain connecting the clamps, so it'd pull anyways.

The thong was highly annoying. I don't even know what the point of wearing one IS. @.@

I peaked before work, drove around with a silver bullet and nipple clamps and came home to be tortured by small bursts of the hitachi. Then I got undressed and had an anal plug put in me and the bullet in my vagina on low as I write this. I'm shaking all over. I want to cum sooooo bad. I shoke while at work too. I'm so full of crazy sexual hormones. I could cry for release.

The plug keeps trying to work its way out. Damn IBS. Kills my fun.

The cats are hungry. I should go feed them.