Overdone

Yesterday my dom was online. He poped up after my morning peek and told me I could grab my wand and cum as many times as I wanted to. Happily, I grabbed it up and started going at it. It was almost hard to cum the first time, but the 2nd time wasn't, as it usually it. Of course, it caused me to squirt all over the place. I'd just washed those sheets! It was a lot, too...

Finally, I made it to three, about the time he told me 6 minimum. 6? I was luck I managed 3. I'd only done that once before. Still, I tried and tried and I think I hit 4, but I'm not entirely sure. All the motions of my body was there, but I didn't feel the muscles spasming like usual inside me. Then again, I don't think they could. I didn't have anything left to squirt, but I felt myself try anyways. He told me to take a break. I did.

All of a sudden I was late. I'm not sure how long I was lying there, but I had evening plans and it was quickly gaining on evening. I was lying there in a puddle of my own stuff, soaked through with it, so I needed to add a bath to my to-do list. I stumbled into the shower and washed up mindlessly. I think a lot of my problem was I hadn't eaten yet, but I didn't have time to cook by then. I poped a vitamin and got ready. I didn't get everything I needed to do done before time to leave. It made us late and then we couldn't find the place with made us later. Missing the entire first hour, everyone else was lost and bored. I could have stayed all night anyways, but they insisted on leaving.

I came home disapointed and lacking in two orgasms and my nightly peaks. I walking into my room, looked at my hitachi and cringed. I made some food, watched some youtube, looked at my hitachi and cringed. I read my book some, looked at my hitachi and cringed. I read some more, looked at my hitachi and cringed. Finally I asked myself if I was ready for the punishment that went with not touching that thing at all tonight. I had no trepidation at all. I didn't have the energy to worry about it since all of my energy was focused on it not touching me.

You know how when you weight lift on one arm too much, you can blow the muscle? It's useless and weak until it heals. That's what my vagina feels like. I don't think I could orgasm if I tried.

At first I just accepted that I'd have a top out on my even days in March and would get punished for the rest. Now, I don't think I can hit a top out every other day. I don't think I could peak at all after March 4th.

When I was younger and supposed to be starting in on masturbation, I didn't. I didn't masturbate at all until I was 19. OCD, mostly. It kept me from being able to handle it. I was also shy and wouldn't ask what I was doing wrong to not enjoy it like others did. That's changed, but my formative years are what's important. I think I've missed out on building muscle tone in my vagina. Really. I think that's what it is. It means I get BIG orgasms, but I get few.

The hitachi still hasn't touched me. Nothing has. I'm so overloaded still that the blanket on my nipples makes me wince.

I'll take my punishment. Happily. But not a damn thing is touching me today. Not. A. Damn. Thing.

Laundry

I pulled the car up next to my door to load my clothes into it. I had my ALL my clothes and sheets to wash. It was a lot of stuff. I left the car running to keep it warm. I was so out of clothes that I wore an old pajama outfit that has too big pants and a too small shirt. I put my leather jacket over to keep warm, since I was washing all of my hoodies. Inside the apartment, I couldn't hear my car at all. It made me nervous, knowing that there are people walking around my complex at all hours of the night and I'd left the keys in with it running. So I stayed by the front window to watch it.

I grabbed my bag of goodies as I made to leave and it occured to me that with the tight shirt and open jacket, I'd have no way of clamping my nipple discreatly. Not to mention the laundry mat I go to has camera everywhere, including the parking lot. Usually I view that as a good thing. Not when clamps are involved, however. So I just settle for the vibe and start driving, not wanting to run into the bedroom to put the clamps on quickly, or turn the care off.

All the way to the mat, I continued to get nervous about my spur of the moment decison to forgo the clamps. I almost pulled over and put them on, but my route is well lit and police patroled at that time of night. So I kept going. Truly, I had no good excuse this time other than, "It was cold outside and I was in a hurry." Again, I knew I wouldn't lie.

Before I went into the mat, I dropped the clamps into the inner pocket of my jacket. When I finished my clothes, I put everything in the car and went back inside real quick to the bathroom there. I put the clamps on before leaving to drive home. There was a guy there doing his laundry, watching Glen Beck on the TV, sending me small glances. I felt a thrill of excitement walking by him with the clamps on, knowing he was unaware of what happened. I should have been embarassed. I wasn't.

The entire ride home, the vibe felt more intense than usual. I ended up at home, checking my e-mail, humping the bed. This morning's peak in the shower was enough to drive me mad. After all that, I'm crazed with the need to cum. To ride it out in its entirety. To beg and plead for such a release. And I haven't even done my two peaks for the night. I crave the masturbation, but I fear the lack of release. It's going to keep me up all night, thrashing and moaning. I just know it will.

I almost feel like crying every time I peak and have to stop. It's one of the reasons I can't do denial to myself. I have to have a reason, even if that reason is to please my dom, or simply a fear of punishment that I will do to myself once told to.

I'm off to my nightly ritual. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm on edge. I want to cum, so very badly.

Oh so much

Two hours into work and I had to go home. In a mear four hours I'd soaked straight through my pad, undies, and into my jeans. We're talking the uber long Overnight pads. My flow has never been so heavy and my headache was coming back to haunt me. One of the girls at work (who I've told about my recent adventures in denial) said it was do to the muscle tension I've been building but never gave release. It makes sense, I guess. Still, my periods have always been an issue. They're erratic and can either be unnoticable, emotionally crippling, or so painful I can't breathe.

So I went home feeling gross and exhausted and generally shitty feeling. I'd done my morning peak and drove to work with a vibe (outside the pants) and the clamps. I drove home with neither. I stumbled inside and took some pain killers and chocolate. Since I've woken up I've have to change pads 4 times. I dunno how I'm going to make it through the night. I considered sleeping with pants on, but I plan to wash the sheets tomorrow anyways, so I probably won't.

I also haven't been naked, as was called for when I'm home alone. I've had a loose shirt, no bra, loose pajama pants, and my fuzzy robe on. Sick wear, as I call it. I have no intention to peak twice tonight. I'll do my morning one in the shower tomorrow. I figure there's no point showering before bed, I'll only wake up covered in it all again.

Uhg. I feel disgusting and crappy.

I'd like to just cut the damn thing out. Bye bye uterus! The doctors totally won't do it. Bastards.

So I'm making some mac&cheese, considering what all I haven't done. Two nightly rituals gone, one car ritual gone, one not naked period of time. I have my reasons. Are they good enough reasons? I don't know. They sure feel like it. I feel like I'm being punished already. Still, it's all making me nervous.

The Headache

I managed to get off work a little early last night and I planned to make use of my time with some things I needed to catch up on. Instead, the minute i walked in the house I recieved a frantic text message from a friend who was visiting a friend of hers in my very apartment complex. She had tried to pop his back since his neck hurt (something I tell her not to do) and then he ended up in massive pain and couldn't move. So I ran over and fixed him. I stayed for a little while to make sure he was fine then he went to be and we all came back to my place.

I showed her some new toys I've got since last she visited and gave her the cordless vibe that just didn't live up to what I needed it to. Her birthday was coming soon, so it seemed like a good gift. I also had her use the mint extract cream because she saw it and had never heard of it before. Watching her reaction to it had me laughing to tears. She put it on her boyfriend and we both ended up laughing at him as well.

All night the girls at work had been a riot of jokes. I'd been building a headache and all the laughing wasn't helping. By the time my friends left my head was pouding. I tried to check my e-mail real quick but I ended up feeling sick from the pounding of my head. I fed the cats and almost passed out bending over to do so. So I took some more pain killers, a sleep aid, and went to bed. I slept a good twelve hours, but the headache is gone, at least.

This means I didn't peak twice last night as I should have. I did my one this morning. I'm bleeding so much it felt weird to do. heh My period plans to be extra special this time, I can tell.

I have no idea if I'm going to be punished or not for last night. My dom is nowhere to be found. I guess I'll find out later, the hard way.

My nipples hate me. The little rubber ends on the clamps act like vinyl seats after a while and stick to the skin, causing the process of taking them off to be worse than it already is. I need to line them in fur, or something. I should look at the craft section at walmart and come up with a plan. I can get some cash back for laundry during that trip as well. Friday is going to be a long laundry day.

Frustrations

He told me this morning after my daily peak that family issues were cropping up and he couldn't dom me so regularly anymore. I understand, I'm not upset about it. He still wants me to keep up my routines, and the dreadful plan for March, but he'll only be able to pop up and tell me things specifically every so often. My blog will be checked on, however, to make sure I'm keeping up. In the end, it may be for the best. I'm not used to such constant attention and I'm having trouble keeping up...

I asked to use my one orgasm for February today since I started my period and this was the last day it'd be pleasant for me. He agreed. So he told me to grab the hitachi and peak 10 times. By the end of that I was shaking, almost in tears, whimpering at my obediant hands, and desperately wanting to scream. He told me then to hold it to my clit as long as possible and when I started to cum, wait 3 seconds, and then stop and don't touch myself at all.

What it did was kill my ride of the orgasm. I gave a few good spasms, but I couldn't finish it. The tension stayed in me and I knew even if I tried to cum again, it'd take forever to get there. He laughed at me and left me to my frustration.

PMS struck with a vengence. I wanted to go to the shower and use my amazing shower head to bring me to orgasm again and ride it through as long as I pleased. I wanted to chuck the nipple clamps across the room and drive to work care free. But then what? Get on here and lie? I'm so bad at lying it's a curse. And I know one thing for certain: I fear his ideas for punishment.

So I heaved a sigh and picked up my clamps and got ready for work. I'll drive as I've been told. I'll peak twice tonight. I'll continue to dread March.

Walmart

I kept thinking horny thoughts all night at work. I couldn't help it...

I needed to drop by walmart before heading home. He said I had to keep the vibe and nipple clamps on during that time and buy an enema kit. He told me this before lunch, even. I should've been nervous. I was... But I was throbbing at wet a LOT more.

I was so scared the whole time someone would hear. Wary of the people who passed me. Basic groceries were harder to find than they should have been. I couldn't focus. x.x I grabbed an enema kit as fast as possible since there was a lady stocking in that exact isle. I was so embarassed.

The checkout lane took forever. The chick in front of me had 7 wic cards. My nipples were starting to ache. In the parking lot the cold air hit them and they hardened. It hurt and felt good all at once. I had to haul in all my stuff with everything on. Then once the meltable stuff was put away I got undressed save for the nipple clamps and grabbed the hitachi. My nipples started to have shooting pains by then.

And then I waited. And waited some more. He fell asleep on me. Doesn't bother me, per say. I work late hours and people have a hard time keeping up with me. I know I couldn't keep up with me!

I left the nipple clamps on until 2am, just in case. Taking them off hurt like a bitch, per usual. I'll probably use the wand to peek my 2 times tonight since that was the last toy he mentioned.

I'm trying to be a good sub.

I long morning

I woke up early and I was stifling hot. I peaked as I was told and then hopped online. He was there and he had plans. I've had a silver bullet inside me all day. The batteries died one and I had to replace them. No surprising. I've been using the same ones for a while. My bullet has never gotten so much use before!

I had plans to try and make myself to laundry. Didn't happen. Instead I laid on my bed, naked, and withered and moaned and cursed. At one point I hit a spot that felt like the begining of a build but all I could do was stay there in that exact spot. It couldn't climb any higher. My clit throbbed. I wanted to rub it. I wanted to cum, over and over again. I didn't care if I squirted for it. I begged to rub myself and he said no. I figured he would. I'm so wet I can't even clean it up. I could hardly eat anything through the building in my stomach that went nowhere.

I'm having to wear the nipple clamps as I write this and through my trip to work. I hate taking it all off in the parking lot in the daylight. I jump every time I see a movement.

I'm pretty sure the dirty thong I put back on it soaked already. I'm going to have to make many bathroom trips to clean up tonight, I can feel it.

I keep humping the bed and clenching my inner folds involuntarily. I feel consumed by need. He calls me a slut. Currently, I can't help but agree. I'll be a slut for anyone if they will give me release...

First Day

It started wih something I'm not supposed to do: Interfere with work. I ended up keeping my phone in the hoodie pocket and checking it obsessively to see if he'd said anything new. A deprived sub? Who me? Never. (/sarcasm)

I wore the hoodie because it helped hide the nipple clamps in the car. Once night fell it was easy to get them back on. The bra liked to press against them. It hurt, but then again, it has a chain connecting the clamps, so it'd pull anyways.

The thong was highly annoying. I don't even know what the point of wearing one IS. @.@

I peaked before work, drove around with a silver bullet and nipple clamps and came home to be tortured by small bursts of the hitachi. Then I got undressed and had an anal plug put in me and the bullet in my vagina on low as I write this. I'm shaking all over. I want to cum sooooo bad. I shoke while at work too. I'm so full of crazy sexual hormones. I could cry for release.

The plug keeps trying to work its way out. Damn IBS. Kills my fun.

The cats are hungry. I should go feed them.