Agonizing Abstinence

So my determination has been pretty sporadic lately to say the least. I'll get to that point and it feels completely overwhelming, like it's impossible to not cum. And if I don't cum I fee angry about it. But if I do cum I feel empty and disappointed. I just don't enjoy it. I like that feeling right before orgasm. Like I could live in the insanity of that moment and enjoy it better than cumming. I suppose it'd be different if I could cum multiple times. I have been getting a little better at that, but it's far from a consistent thing.

A couple of days ago I ran across this blog: http://agonizingabstinence.blogspot.com/

Reading some of the posts made me miss that acute denial more than I have in a while. There are challenges for everyone on there. I read through them and ended up soaked. I sent the page to my dom. He told me to do the 12 minute tease. I had to pause once, which is unlike me, but then I was VERY worked up before I even started. So the next day I had to try again and this time I made it through, even though I had to lighten up a bit at a certain part. Still, I wasn't allowed to cum. He wants me to wait a while.

I felt in need. Even after that, it didn't feel like enough. I started reading through some of the blogs and the stuff the girls were having to do and their reactions. It made me crave things I didn't know I wanted. I asked my dom if I could masturbate as long as I didn't cum. I needed to relieve some of the tension. He said it was fine. So I go like that for a good 30 minutes. By this point I have so many ideas running through my head from the blogs. I knew a crotch rope wasn't going to work. I bruise easy and there's no way I could sleep through that. But the thought of the pressure sounded nice. Another post talked about how she could only sleep with something inside of her. I never thought I'd understand that.

So up I went. I grabbed my bullet and put it inside me on low. I balled up a pair of underwear and pushed it against my clit. Then I covered it all with a tight pair of underwear. Then, I went to sleep. Figuratively. I would finally drift off for a few minutes only to be jerked back into consciousness. I wa swollen andd wet all night. I slept nearly 30 minutes at one point. I dreamt then.

I had a dream about my actual dom, which is unusual since I rarely dream about people I know and he lives and such a distance. I was next to another sub and we were both being teased. The other dom was actually there, whereas my dom was a very odd floating entity above my head to signify is distance. The other dom showed off by putting his sub over the table of a coffee shop and fucking her in front of everyone. My dom retaliated by telling me to find someone to fuck, to inform them to do whatever they want to me, and to NOT cum. Just as the guy started pounding into me I woke up withering.

It was at that point that I rolled over on my stomach and my hips started thrusting for a while. Oddly, it felt better after that. The vibrations from the bullet were muffled by the panties, so my clit got no excess stimulation. But the humping of the bed gave me enough pressure to relieve some of the ache. I tossed for another hour before I couldn't stand my dry mouth anymore. Sexual stimulation always gives me a dry mouth.

The problem was, I couldn't stand up. If I stood up I'd have to pee. I couldn't imagine turning the vibe off for that long. I couldn't turn it off at all. It would hurt too much. Finally I got up and drank some water. Then I went to the bathroom, carefully removed the undies on my clit, and did the only thing I could. I held it in place while I peed. As I was putting everything back into place I noticed spots of red on the toilet paper. Sure enough, I had started. Another dilemma.

If I kept it in the cramps would catch up with me eventually. But I couldn't stop it. I just couldn't. Despite how little sleep I'd had. So I put down a pantie liner and went back to bed.

After a while I desperately wanted to peak but that would require more noisy toys and my roommate hadn't left for work yet. Finally I passed out for a whole hour. I dreamt that my dom was driving a car with me and two other girls. All of us had on string bikinis. We also had toys inside of us and hadn't cum in weeks. One of the other girls had gone shopping at Sam's earlier for groceries. She'd missed a few items but insisted that they hadn't been at Sam's. So my dom was sending me in to check for those items. Once I was inside I realized my top had fallen off. Thankfully it was nighttime and the inside of Sam's was dimly lit. (yay dream altering) I found a towel and wrapped it around me. The items I was looking for weren't there, of course. On the way out I ran into someone that worked there that I had worked with at my previous job. She followed me outside asking if I'd been to the beach today. Outside it was suddenly a few degrees above freezing and there was a light rain coming down. By the time I made it to the car, I was shivvering and gripping my towel for dear life. My dom frowned at me and demanded the removal of the towel. I did so and he upped the speed of my toy. He told me I would go into the next store as well, even without my top.

I woke up then. This time pain woke me up. I was cramping so hard I didn't need to worry about any other pain. So I got up and removed everything and cleaned up and slapped down a pad. I noticed that my bullet wasn't as waterproof as it claimed and had blood in it. That was amazingly ucky and I pouted at it. After that I got some water and went back to bed. I finally slept for a few hours.

I'm awake now, but still bone tired. And horny. I want to slap a dildo to a wall an fuck the hell out of it. I want to grab my hitachi and peek so many times I could go crazy from it. But I'm also cramping horribly and can't imagine causing any more tension. I hate being a girl sometimes.

And lastly, there is a challenge on that blog I found amazingly erotic and daunting all at once. It gives you a number of peeks to accomplish before you can cum. So if you do a bunch of peeks in one day, you are aching with need. If you rest and do a few, you're extending the time before you can cum. It says to start at 250, or higher if need be. The number was surprising, but I can see how that would make it that much more complicated. I have the urge to try that one, even though part of me thinks I'm crazy for that. heh

Uhg. Need pain killers.