Oh so much

Two hours into work and I had to go home. In a mear four hours I'd soaked straight through my pad, undies, and into my jeans. We're talking the uber long Overnight pads. My flow has never been so heavy and my headache was coming back to haunt me. One of the girls at work (who I've told about my recent adventures in denial) said it was do to the muscle tension I've been building but never gave release. It makes sense, I guess. Still, my periods have always been an issue. They're erratic and can either be unnoticable, emotionally crippling, or so painful I can't breathe.

So I went home feeling gross and exhausted and generally shitty feeling. I'd done my morning peak and drove to work with a vibe (outside the pants) and the clamps. I drove home with neither. I stumbled inside and took some pain killers and chocolate. Since I've woken up I've have to change pads 4 times. I dunno how I'm going to make it through the night. I considered sleeping with pants on, but I plan to wash the sheets tomorrow anyways, so I probably won't.

I also haven't been naked, as was called for when I'm home alone. I've had a loose shirt, no bra, loose pajama pants, and my fuzzy robe on. Sick wear, as I call it. I have no intention to peak twice tonight. I'll do my morning one in the shower tomorrow. I figure there's no point showering before bed, I'll only wake up covered in it all again.

Uhg. I feel disgusting and crappy.

I'd like to just cut the damn thing out. Bye bye uterus! The doctors totally won't do it. Bastards.

So I'm making some mac&cheese, considering what all I haven't done. Two nightly rituals gone, one car ritual gone, one not naked period of time. I have my reasons. Are they good enough reasons? I don't know. They sure feel like it. I feel like I'm being punished already. Still, it's all making me nervous.